I had a urinary tract infection and blood pressure in the 200's and when this cleared up I felt better mentally,,,

I always always think everything's mental & emotional before ever considering plain old physical...

I had a tarot card reading that said my personality is in an upheaval of change,,

That means taking a break from men, as much as I love men, it hurts when they do not love you back, they can say they love me verbally but obviously they don't..

I may NEVER get married, never have a normal relationship, I'm that different a person that no man can relate to, highly emotional and sensitive and that is my 100% focus at all times, emotions..no one can relate, it seems,,thus I find myself alone,,alone due to my emotional differences and eccentricity,,as if these things were crimes or something..

I hate the time I wasted on Darrell, on Dan, on all the goofballs that i was 'dating' yeah right.

Everybody says, they're using you, I reply, no I'm using them,,as I they think I'm exclusive but I'm not,,,,I guess we each fulfilled a need in each other,,but I sense my need is no longer there, its like it vanished when I felt physically better,,,

I may never know what love is,,,I know what sex is, I know what it is to date someone who cannot read his mail he's that intellectually challanged,,making me feel in my relation in control as the world has always made me feel out of control,,

I am so emotion based that not only was I fired from 58 jobs for being different,,now my student teaching overseer reported I 'didnt care about the content of lessons'' my professor is assuming I hovered in the background and did not participate...he knows me better than this I JUMP INTO everything, all the time!!

How can i explain I am so completely emotional that people make strange judgements about me all the time, all the time, and I cannot escape it!!!

It's everywhere!!!!

I never was considered strange as a child,,just it HIT me the judgements started pouring in at about age twenty, and I do mean pouring!!

So to sum up I feel better physically which crossed over to mentally, feel less needy with men, ready to hopefully finally meet that special someone one day as far as clearing up my emotions and mind to have a place for him,,

still bitter about the way society treats me, very......