I really connect with your post. You've said everything so well.

I often feel the same way, and I still don't have the answers. Did I ever know who I was, etc...
I guess the answer to these past questions aren't as important as the answer to the question what do we do now?

I hope you can learn to live - give yourself time, allow for mistakes. It's a learning process and we need to be patient.

Sending hugs and good luck