liljobi,
You responded to my post (lost and broken). Thank you. I have found this site so helpful - and at least for me, it has been a step in acknowledging the abuse that led to my PTSD diagnosis. It is a place where we are free to rage, mourn, or cautiously hope for a better tomorrow. It is my most sincere wish for you that you can recover and reclaim your right to happiness which was stolen from you by the monsters in your past.