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Elysium · 02:42 AM

So...I got offered a 13 week Nursing contract through my agency I work for. It's at this "hospital" I've never worked at before here in town. I did my first day of orientation on Wednesday. Oh...and I only get ONE day of orientation.

This "Hospital" is a nightmare!!

It's not even a real hospital!! It has about 50 beds, and it's considered a "Long Term Acute Hospital" This means, it has no OR, no ICU, no ER, just beds for people who have been pushed out of the real hospitals because they've been so sick for so long that medicare no longer will reimburse the hospital for their care....so hospitals say they have to go. The problem with this is that these are the sickest of the sick patients. 95% of them are on ventilators because they can't breath on their own. Most of them can't get out of bed without 2-3 people to help. They actually belong in a Critical Care unit...but again, Medicare will not reimburse so the hospitals push them out.

This place is so dangerous. There are not enough nurses or nurses aids to help. You are given a walkie-talkie to carry around so you can call for help, but anytime you call, no one responds to your call. They do not train you to work with the ventilators, they just expect you to do it, and these patients are so sick that they could turn the corner and go down hill at any point. When/if they do, all you can do is call 911 and hope they get there in time.

So, on my first day, Wednesday, it was pretty good because I was working with another nurse and we only had three patients between us. It was great. But now I feel like they threw me to the wolves. I am on my own now. I don't feel safe practicing there. The best analogy I have is when you see someone drowning, and you know how to swim, but your hands have been tied behind your back. You know if you jump in and try to help the drowning people, you will drown too. Your only choices are to sit back and watch, or jump in and hope for the best. The only thing is...if you don't save the drowning people and you happen to make it back to land alive, you will be blamed for the person drowning to begin with....and you will be held responsible for their demise. It's like we are being set up to fail.

I was so sick at work today. My feet were burning like they were on fire and they hurt so bad I could barely walk. My leg was going numb from my chronic nerve problems and my sciatica was acting up too. If you let yourself slow down to think you immediately fell behind. When I finally got to go to lunch, I called my agency Manager and told him that I was not going to be able to complete the contract and explained to him why. He tried everything. He said he'd give me more money, he said he'd try to get them to lower my nurse/patient ratio. I was shocked. I told him that it wasn't about the money and that lowering the ratio wouldn't change the fact that I'd still be sitting there watching them drown...and I just couldn't do it.

I ended up canceling the contract because I can not cope with the pain, the anxiety/stress that comes with it. But now the agency is saying that since I quit, they will be recording it as a quit, even though they did not have me sign paperwork yet for the contract and now I could loose my unemployment insurance.

I was five minutes from living out on the streets, then I got this contract. But I wouldn't survive this...and I'm not going to sacrifice my nursing license and career for a company that doesn't give a crap about me. Actually I'm not going to sacrifice it for anyone.

I've been crying since I got home because I don't know how to feel. I'm angry....from holding it in all day. I just don't know what I'm going to do.

I'm scared, but I can't go back there. I won't survive. I have a better chance of survival on the streets.