It's a lifestyle now. I've been doing it for 6 years and don't think I can stop it completely but maybe I'm wrong. Scratch what I said before. I don't necessarily want to stop at all though, simply because I don't know how to deal with things otherwise. It's the only method that is actually useful. I don't want to learn new ways of coping but feel the need to. I don't know anymore. I'm so confused about everything. Cutting is all I have when I feel horrible and don't want to deal with things. I can't imagine myself not doing it, to tell you the truth.

I'm too scared to tell my boyfriend that I SI because he already worries about me. Does anyone have any ideas about how I could go about telling him? He hasn't noticed in the 5 months we have been together but I feel that I've been keeping it from him for too long. I'm worried that he won't be able to handle what is going on with me and leave me. I'm worried he won't understand what is happening and why.