Hi,

I am new here and up late thinking too much as usual. I've been with my bf for 7 years now. We are both in our 40s. We have 4 kids between us. (3 are grown/1 his, 3 mine) The biggest problem we have is that he is always so darn negative. I have been through way too much in my life and finally got to the point where I am usually cheerful, positive and keep hope that things will work out. He on the other hand belittles everything, constantly. He is easily frustrated and gets upset at the tiniest of things. He is not like other men in the affection way either. He always has a reason why he doesn't feel up to it and I can honestly say I have "never" gotten a real kiss from him all this time. Only quick pecks on the mouth.

I had surgery last month on my arm and am still recovering...he was 'very' good in helping out any way he could...but I remember just 4 days after my surgery he was already asking me to rub his back. It always turns to what HE wants. I never seem to get much unless I do something for him first. He always tries to tell me what to do and nags me repeatedly about how or when to do things. (Um, hello..am I a child?) He makes me so upset. I feel lonely for what I don't have in the way of affection and other things. I am stubborn and don't back down when he throws a fit...I calmly talk to him but let him know 'exactly' how I feel. He keeps doing the same things....every year.

Three years ago I broke it off and had him and his grown son move out after months of his sons and his anger problems and constant conflict in the home. My oldest son got his own place so I only had 2 at home. My bf kept in touch and visited me (Always did his laundry at my house). I was proud of myself for the changes I made in myself while we were apart. I was in control of things for once. Things were calm. After a month, we started dating again. Started living together again in a home I had been living in without him for awhile. That was March of last year. He wanted his son to move in with us but I flat out said it could not happen after all the conflict his son caused in the past. No respect at all. (At times his son and him would almost get into fist fights and his son yelled, screamed like a spoiled brat daily and complained constantly as well as butting into our personal affairs) My bf constantly holds over my head the fact that my daughter is living in our home and not his son. (She is pregnant) I am excited about being a grandmother soon while he just grumbles about it all the time. I am the sole supporter (he filed for disability) due to him having a lot of health problems. I've done this for about 7 months now. Is he happy and appreciative? No. He has to keep bringing up what we don't have...even though I'm always supportive of his needs emotionally & physically. He does actually help clean house sometimes. I wonder though, if when we are older, on our own, the kids all have their own families....will I be able to stand this man. It will be too late then to make any real changes with my own life, I imagine. Many times I feel like just ending it....for good. I guess I keep hoping he will change. I do love him.

I see what I have written and could just kick myself for being so dumb.

Any feedback?

LightWalker