I would say that you are right in saying that disrespect is something that has to be earned, not respect. Too many epople thingk that showing repsect means groveling. It doesn't, but then i think that is where so many people get to thinking that respect has to be beaten or bought out of people, or delived because the person respected has the authority to demand it. How sad, and how wrong. After all, dear, you ARE someone important. You are his wife, his partner, the one holding his house together while he is out "earning " his precious money. This doesn't mean that you have no right to be a codeterminer of your life. I had ONE discussion of this type with my husband before I was able to work here. He never used that argument again.
Good luck dear. It takes awhile getting some part of your self to believe what your brain tells you is true, that you are worth respect, not servility. HUGGGSSSSSS.