I think the problem with respect is, as you say, it's got a lot of baggage and personal interpretation in there. I would try to find a more complete, descriptive way of asking for what you want (as you did!).

I think respect is actually about personal boundaries http://joy2meu.com/Personal_Boundaries.htm and whereas when you "demand respect" it makes it about the other person and what they do/don't do, setting boundaries is about yourself and taking care of yourself.

From the position of one's self, other people can't argue with you because they are not you. "I feel bad when you call me 'crazy', please don't call me crazy anymore" is a lot more helpful than, "no calling me 'crazy' because I have a mental illness" which is a bit vague and more about him and how he may or may not think of mental illness than about you and/or you and his relationship. As he pointed out, "some words appearing neutral to him are going to appear inflammatory to me" and you are going to have to point out which words each time! There's no easy way to set boundaries other than by identifying each rock, tree, and stream :-) Other people can't read our minds and just "know" how we feel.

But it sounds to me like you both did extremely well with your discussion and know a lot more about each other, and that's what marriage is all about (to me, at least), getting to know each other and how to work together well.