Hi soon,
I know that your feeling hopeless at the moment, and you are in a dark place.
Crisis is a horrible experience, with nowhere to turn and no one seeming to understand. The decision to post here about your problems is a very brave thing to do, and I hope you will be able to stay with us. People here will read your posts, it just takes a little time. It's hard asking for help, I know this myself. I can feel the pressure on you.
It was hard for me at first too, and then I got to know a couple of people and I started to feel the support coming through. Stay with us!
Good thoughts, Myzen