Thanks harrietgate... ya know... rapid rebounding is kind of a double edged sword. I can never make plans or commitments because I never know how I will feel one day to the next. I really do have to live one day at a time and that is pretty limiting as evidence by my current situation of no income or prospects for income on the horizon. Not to mention my inability to maintain contact with people because it feels way too demanding.

The other challenge is that when I am suffering in the pit I am desperate to find relief and I eventually talk myself in to asking for help. Unfortunately asking for help usually means waiting for weeks for appointments with docs. If in that time I start to feel better then I talk myself into just taking better care of myself thinking I have it licked on my own if I just do this or that or the other 'good' thing consistantly enough. I tell myself I need to do everything within my own power before I have the right to ask for help from anyone else. I know it is old tapes playing in my head. At home and even at school it was all about doing things yourself and if you had to ask for help it would cost you and you would be constantly reminded that you were 'less than' for not being able to do it yourself. Asking for help was always a weakness and it is really hard to replace that message in my head. It gets louder when I get needy.

I am really trying to make sure I don't listen to the tapes and will choose to allow myself to ask for help this time even when I know that I haven't done everything on my own that I know I should or could be doing. I can really be my own worst enemy sometimes by overthinking and letting fear of disappointment and judgement paralyze me.

I think sometimes we are all further ahead of the game than we give ourselves credit for. You are here and engaging in keeping the hope alive in you. That's major. I have had many periods over these many dark years where I couldn't be a part of a place like this. Being here means we are on the journey to wellness. Even if the journey is slow and our progress may seem unnoticable to ourselves.

We really are less different than you migh think. Of that I am pretty certain. Positive talk goes a long way and sometimes it is all that gets me moving somedays.

Take good care. Let us celebrate even the smallest victories.