MUE, that must have been so hurtful to hear that. I'm sorry. I can definitely relate to being scared, too, and to wanting to be numb again. Of course everyone is going to say YES, talk to your T about it! And I'm no different. Talk to your T, maybe starting with how you're scared about what it's going to bring up?

And yes! I have used various destructive behaviors to avoid feelings for years. Heck, I just did it again 2 days ago. I do it a lot less now but it's so hard to not fall back on that when the feelings get overwhelming. Because it does work, in the short term. But in the long term, it just makes things worse. I need to try to remember that next and CARE about that next time...