i'm just trying to get some input on this because i've been so upset over it lately..

this is going to be kind of a long story but i don't know where to turn anymore... i don't know if he's bipolar, but people seem to think he is, and i don't know what to do because he won't get help. anyway... here we go...

so, i fell in love with this guy (online, then we met) and he's in the marines. when he's his normal self he's extremely sweet and funny. every two months he snaps. there is never really anything that causes it.. sometimes he starts making all these crazy plans.. like he started asking me to marry him and telling me to look at rings and was insisting we were going to get married in a few weeks because he had requested leave to come visit me for my birthday. when they denied his leave he started getting quiet, then one day he snapped. he said he was done with me. then he got to the point where he was telling me to kill myself and send him pictures, and that he thought i was a joke and he would never speak to me ever again. i knew he didn't mean any of it, so i just kept telling him i loved him. then he heard a song that made him calm down and he agreed to call, and after we talked for a little bit he calmed down and apologized. then he was back to his normal self..


then i went to visit him and we had an amazing time.. we went to the ball together, and he took me home to his family. i know he loved me. he did little things like.. i caught him taking pictures of me playing in the ocean, and then when i walked up to him to get my shoes, he surprised me with a bunch of seashells he had been collecting for me. after i got back home i asked him what he wanted and he said he wanted me to move in with him, and i asked if he was sure and he said he was.. so we began planning and saving. i had a lot of bad things going on here that i didn't tell him about because he had enough stress with his job, so i just asked him if i found a job there if i could move sooner. he said "of course girl" and i said if that was too soon i was completely okay with him saying no, and he just said he wanted me there. he would even text me baby names even though that was going to be a long way off. i remember distinctly him saying he "loved me more than he ever thought he could love another person" but then he got in trouble at work because he got drunk and threatened someone. so he couldn't leave base, wear his own clothes, drive or drink alcohol and he had to work extra duty and check in every 2 hours. he was missing thanksgiving too which he missed last year due to being in iraq. so i just texted him on thanksgiving and asked him if his friends brought him dinner. next thing i knew he said he was done with me. a couple days later he calmed down and told me he was just so stressed and that he loved me. the next day he had to leave for 2 weeks of training and found out he was getting deployed. when he got home he refused to speak to me. he ended our relationship and when i asked why he said "because" and then cut me out of his life. i didn't handle that and the other stress here well and i overdosed, i just wanted to be numb for a while but i ended up in the hospital. i had asked my mother to tell him i was okay. i found out when i got out of the hospital that she had told him it was all his fault and if he didn't block me from his life i'd die. so he did block me. he also smashed his phone the night i was in the hospital although he claims it was unrelated. i tried to explain to him when i got out of the hospital what really happened, but he totally ignored me.. this was around christmas. i have sent him messages on the forum we met on from time to time just asking him to call me so we can talk about things so i can at least have some closure, but he just deletes them and pretends i don't exist. i tried calling him for the first time this month yesterday, but he didn't answer, and i was upset so i just cried and left him voicemail. i wasn't even certain he had gotten himself a new phone yet. then he added me on facebook, told me he was going to change his number and then said "**** you" and deleted me. and he is just angry and hates me now and i can't get him to calm down. i have not fought with him or anything, i've just asked him to talk because it made no sense to go from asking someone to live with you and saying you want to marry them to cutting them out of your life without cause. he had started to calm down like he has every time he snaps... this being the third time he snapped at me, when he was telling me he was just stressed and he loves me. then he got more stressed and snapped again after he found out about deployment.


i don't really know what to do or how i can possibly calm him down. i don't know if he's bipolar, but i had to talk about him to doctors when i was in the hospital and they seemed to think he might be. he refuses to get help though. he told me the marines think he's psychotic and were going to kick him out, but he could have been lying. i just have this awful feeling in my gut that i'd be abandoning him when he needs me the most. his grandma told me he will ignore her for a week or two every once in a while (my guess would be every two months...) and then he'd start talking to her again, and she is the person he loves the most.. and he said i was "ma level" as in he loves me as much as he loves her, but in a different way, obviously. maybe he snapped at me because i pushed him to talk when he started getting quiet. he said i was the only person he talked to every day.. so then now i end up the person he takes it out on because nobody can notice because i'm not there.

does he seem bipolar? i wish i could just get him to calm down. when he would call before when he got like this, even his voice changed. and he'll try to say awful things to make me hate him, but i can always tell when he's lying and i just prove that he's lying and he stops talking again every time.


i've tried to just let go and move on, but i honestly can't. my gut is just screaming at me that it is the wrong thing to do.