I stayed because I felt sorry for him. The abuse was verbal not physical so I believed that I was strong enough to take it and that he could not survive without me. (I am also the primary bread winner). I stayed because when he is "normal", he is gentle, caring, sweet, funny and charming. Unfortunately, when he is abusive he is vicious, cruel, vulgar, demeaning and hateful. it has taken its toll on me. But believe it or not, after 20 years of pain, he has started to get help and he is writing and painting, and using creative outlets for his pain (he was abused by his father as a child) and is getting better. But I would not recommend staying with someone like him for 20 years of pain and abuse. it's taken it's toll.