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I can relate to the feeling of being torn about getting help or not. It's a very intimate process and only you can decide you are ready. I know the starting of my process seemed daunting to me but it was worth it. I hope you find help on your terms, but hopefully sooner then later.
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I have wandered the darkness, a place I call home, for a long time looking for peace, and there is peace even in here. I hope I can help you find your peace.
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