Hello all,

Just needed to vent a little today...I'm sorry if some of this sounds immature and high-schoolish, but it's still bothering me and I need to get it all out.

I got on Facebook not too long ago, and while I enjoy it for the most part, I've been also feeling a bit depressed and anxious about some things. Two situations in particular:

1.) I just found out that one of my friends (someone who I actually knew and worked with at one point, we got along OK, and they actually asked me to be their friend when I got on Facebook) has apparently unfriended me. And maybe blocked me as well, because I can't find this person in searches now. The last thing I did was "like" one of their statuses a few days ago, and then poof.

I can't think of a thing I did to this person at all, online or in real life, and it doesn't help that this person is also friends with a lot of my other contacts online. I keep my Facebook very tight, I don't post embarrassing pictures or even really swear, and I never talk about other people (unless maybe its a celebrity or something, and even then I keep things neutral for the most part). So I don't get it?

2.) The other is the fact that a person I know (also worked with at one point--I've spoke about this person on the board before in several posts, but not on this particular topic) is apparently friending everyone we both worked with except me. I know this because I am currently friends with several people who worked at the same place (the same place as where I worked with the person in #1, too) and I can see that the person adds pretty much everyone who walked in the door...so I decided that I would try to send them a request myself. I did this in honest spirits, not to be sneaky. They ignored it.

Now, this normally wouldn't be a big deal for several reasons: I know that people have things they don't want shared with everyone on FB. This person and I also had some pretty tense encounters in the past (as described in some of my previous posts), so I can see and understand not wanting me on the page. But when you feel, and it pretty much looks like, everyone else who stepped in the door (and I do mean EVERYONE) is ok to be on the list, but you're banned, it makes you feel kind of bad.

Basically, all of this has made me wonder how other people really see me. And it's stressing me out to the point of panic attacks. I can't get this stuff out of my head for some reason, and it's driving me nuts.

I know, I know, it's just the internet, time to disconnect. Sure I could do that, but these things are bothering me so much, I think, because they bleed out in a way into my "offline" life as well. I don't have a lot of "offline" friends that I see that often (I do know most of my other FB friends, and there's not a whole lot of them either, but a good number of those I talk with online live in another state), and stuff like this just makes me feel like a total loser. I think all the time--am I really a "good" person? Do I have some sort of "evil" in me that I'm not seeing, that is somehow worse than other people's? I have done so much self reflection on this it's insane. And I still can't come up with an answer. If you'll look at my past posts, with the whole April/June thing, you'll see that I've been struggling with this for a long time.

I would love to have some peace of mind, let the past be past, and find out what kind of person I really am. But it seems to be eluding me--I've worked with T's on this before and haven't been able to get to an answer, either.

If you've made it this far, thank you for hanging in there and reading