There is an old Zen story about a man who was told to not think about a monkey. The more he tried to not think about the monkey, the more he thought about the monkey. This is the way the mind works. In addition to reaching out for professional help ((which is really the best self-care you can do! )) is to try allowing the thoughts to be. Do not pay them any attention one way or the other. You have your own choices you can make. But do not let the thoughts dictate the actions. Act. And allow thoughts to be.