God IndieSoul, I'm exactly like this. I don't really have any advice for you, just saying you're not alone!

I've been this way for decades and I don't know if I'll ever change. My thing is that I'm convinced that I won't ever get others' approval, even though I require it. Desperately. It's kind of a contradiction. So I avoid people so as to avoid their rejection. Of course, I end up avoiding anything good they could give me, too. It's a real bind, and very much a conscious thing (now), but so difficult to change...Anyway, I feel ya!