Everything is so impossible for me- when i post there is no response- almost never. i feel that i can't even post anymore because it's so difficult to have the lack of response and the misunderstanding and on top of all that there are separate parts in disagreement with me.

Posting is always a lose/lose option for me.
Reading is getting to be also. i know that i'm doing badly- have so much trouble with sx of DID but i was so triggered recently - one moderator was understanding and corrected it and the other sent me multiple PMs- making me sound like i was somehow wrong for even bringing it up.

i guess i needed to say it specially- which is hard to do when you've just been triggered and you're all torn apart, hurting so much. There was no intention of being negative to any certain person- the 'notify pm ' feature goes to a group of people. i didn't even think of exactly who. it was too upsetting to think at all then.

i know that everyone has a hard time but it's a huge blockade for me to have to dread coming here or lose this place to come. i can't be understood anywhere at all if i can't bring my parts to a DID support forum.
Hey- people with DID have parts and they are not all like sweet happy five year olds that play games. i wish they were.
When i'm triggered usually a protective part comes and 'i'm unconscious.

Why do i live at all?

So tired of sx of PTSD and DID. i'm doing the best that i can and still more and more pain.

It doesn't make me feel any better at all if others have pain also. i still hurt because of the trigger.

again:
IT doesn't make me feel any better AT ALL if others have pain also. i STILL hurt because of the trigger.

again
It doesn't make me feel any better AT ALL if others with DID have pain also. I STILL HURT BECAUSE OF THE TRIGGER.
And now i feel even more alienated than i did before besides hurting.

(and besides something happened at work to re-inforce thinking about the trigger again-. i know i have to work with T in therapy about it but it's so hard to be misunderstood and have no where to go that can be reasonably pain- free and i don't have to be reprimanded for thw way my parts are- when i hate them more than is healthy already. It promotes internal conflict.

i don't agree with everything that 'i' write . Especially when having a bad fb. in response to a trigger.

kerria