((((-zh)))) (((fayerody))) (((fuzzybear))) (((parker10)))
(((oksomaybeiamnuts))) (((hopeforme2)))
I feel a sense of relief this morning. It was like I had my darkest hour last night while I was driving around.
I was alone and could have done anything...but I remember the day before when my T was very adamant in saying "I care about you, where you are and what you are doing!" And I took that memory and dialed her #. I was a little nervous because it was after midnight but ya know what she said to me this morning when we met at 9am...she said she was so proud of me because she knew it took a lot for me to call her so late and in the state I was in.
I guess I do have fight still left in me after all.
I think by making the time line I did 2 weeks ago I felt like I couldn't give up on it. I can be so stubborn and bullheaded.
But, maybe the time line was for other reasons. Maybe the fight last night with my gf was to show me that I just need relief in my head from things and that doesn't have to mean death.
I have the day off from work. I am going to enjoy the afternoon at the complex pool.
I thank everyone who has taken the time to listen, help me sort things out. And I thank you for still being there because my battle is still uphill.
Susan