Hello Collectivesoul,

I am a 57 year old heterosexual female. I have always been this way and have not had doubts about my sexual orientation so I am sure you are wondering what the hell I can do to help you. Well, here's the thing. I've been around the block a few times and I read your very honest and sensitive post with great interest because I've had many gay and lesbian and bisexual friends in my lifetime. My best, closest friend for 24 years was a lesbian and she died from breast cancer 11 years ago. I had a tough time getting over it.

Here's my opinion. What concerns me about your post is not so much your concern about "coming out" it's the words in your post: "not wanting to be labeled"; "feelings of guilt and shame"; "pervert". You are definitely NOT ok with who you are. Who you are, whether it be a gay man, a bisexual man, a straight man, or a eunuch, and whether or not you have any kind of relationship with a man or a woman, you owe no one any explanation for who you are at any time until you are sure of who you are and you UNDERSTAND and LIKE who you are. People are going to judge you all your life no matter who you are or what you do. They judged me because I am mentally ill and because I made some questionable life decisions along my journey. But what the hell. I was living my life, they weren't. And what I would suggest to you, if you can, is to find a therapist or a counselor who can help you sort out some of these questions you are struggling with so that you can start feeling better.

Just remember, you don't owe anyone any explanations of your life. It's YOUR life. Try not to judge yourself so harshly and see if you can find someone to help in sorting some things out. We will be here to support you and keep us informed about how it's going.

We care about you.