It's not just the homicidal outbursts of repressed rage that are the problem. Yes, they can be physically harmful, but I usually manage to control myself enough to where I don't hurt anyone or any animal. That inner, suppressed rage is the core of my being, and it doesn't go away. The best I can do is take it out on something that breaks, but won't feel anything. Like a lamp. Or a chair.

While that is a problem, and I would like some help with it, I'm more concerned about the manipulative and deceitful behavior. That behavior I have almost no control over, because most of the time I don't even realize I'm doing it. And it's more damaging in the long run.

My therapist knows what's going on. He always does, whether he wants to or not. But he only does every Thursday and during emergency phone calls. And this weeks homework assignment is to identify manipulation in my own behavior. This has proven difficult.

I took a "vacation" from my family about a month ago. If I leave again, there's a good chance I won't come back. And Nikki will come looking for me. She has before.

8 felonies? I imagine he'd have a fairly extensive sentence, then? I shouldn't be one to talk... I'm addicted to pain killers, and I was indicted for 4 felonies and acquitted for 2.

But that doesn't make me any less sane.