It sounds a little less scary going into it slowly but I'm still not sure if I'm ready. I don't want to do it for anyone else, but for myself. I'm not sure if I can do that yet or if I'm willing to give up the only thing I have that makes me feel in control of my life. I'm not necessarily as scared of my SI being taken away from me as I am scared of what will happen when I'm not doing it. I hate not knowing what will happen. I feel like if I don't SI something worse might happen, that I might try something even more rash than SI.

I agree that I lack empowerment and must build that back up but I don't know how to.