Eljay! Hope you are still reading this thread. I jumpdon it late as you see. I thought Vickies post all those months ago was excellent. We are all born into systems and cultures that started their journey long before we are born. According to these systems, some of us get priviledges we never earned, or are denied chances that in all justice should be ours, all without our input or influence.
That said, you made the first step out. You are asking why, and what role you may have played. I agree with Vickie that you are not to blame for the system, or for the immediate consequences, but I think it is important to realize that you have chances in your society still, that others do not.
Example. I am a white female from a family with a high educational, if not financial, background. Behind my parents stand generations of people on my father's side who are educatd and took leading positions. My mother's folks were working class, small farmers, but still moved to leader positions fairly quickly. I was given second chances to get my grades up that others would never have gotten if they had not had this background. Just the fact that I considered University as an option has much to do with my background. That I married a man that would treat me well I see is no less a part of this cultural background.
The fact made is that this is not a brag contest, but a way of seeing that had I been born black, this would have been a very different story, just because of how people would percieve me and my problems. So, what to do?
You can chose to drop out and deny the things that you get for being what you are. On the ine hand, you might be able to get out of being a beneficiary to an unfair, racist system. Or you can decide to do what you can with it and use what you can to change that system. I decided to try the last option.
It's rough to live with that burden, imagined or not, but you are brave to sit up and stare the past in the face, and decide what to do with it. HUGGS