I know exactly how you feel and have been through the same thing with breakdowns, etc. Lexapro can have a numbing effect, which is why it's good for anxiety, but not so great at times for severe depression. You may want to discuss this with your psychiatrist. I can totally relate to apathy, especially since I'm going through this right now. I am totally numb most of the time. The only time I'm not numb is when I'm angry because of how horrible my life is. I hope you can find peace and a new reason to go on. I'm looking for the same thing.