I'm not sure what is wrong with me. I had gotten drunk the other night and me and my friend went crazy on each other. Like at one point he put a knife up to my throat and tried to slit my throat. I have cuts on my neck and collar bone. I also have bruises all around my neck where he had chocked me. The whole thing was very very violent.

I think maybe it's because I can't hurt myself so now I'm finding people who can hurt me for me. Maybe I've been doing this the whole time which is why I find myself in very abusive relationships all the time.