I'm sorry you're having to face this, Sherwar.
Letting go when we are not prepared to is one of the most difficult tasks we must endure, however you CAN achieve that IF you allow yourself to.

At this point, you must ask yourself what is it you want most for your kids. BY being "desperate" in this situation, you are not allowing yourself the beginning of passage, therefore, your behavior may be showing your kids a form of lack of control and fear. And in any breakup of family, the children are usually the ones who carry an enormous amount of guilt, fear, and blame.
Perhaps, try to focus more on what you want for your children. Try to redirect your attention more on the best provisions for your kids, and KNOW that by doing so, you are doing the best thing for yourself, as well.

Time is your ali. Through time, you can heal..so long as you allow yourself TO let go.
There is no control in despiration. Please try to allow yourself to let go, and you will obtain your own sense of control.

I wish you and your children the best...

Shangrala