I've pushed people away for most of my adut years. I've got to the point where I've just isolated myself from the world. But my true friends would not be pushed away - they kept telling me how much they love me and will always be my friends - both of them. Only two have stuck with me - and they are the best friends a person could ask for. One is very spirital and she has help me so much. My family has stuck by me the whole time. I've threatened my wonderful, awesome husband with divorce for years...but he knew it wasn't really me talking. Yet he stood by my side during those horrible times. I learned to get a better handle on my feelings and avoid letting myself get so angry. I now know what is wrong with me and my meds and psych are really helping me through these tough days. There is hope.... For the last two days I've been really happy and on top of the world. But I don't know how long it will last so we are enjoying every minute of my happieness!! I'm not looking forward go going back into that deep black pit that sucks the life out of me.... Today I'm just glad to be alive!!