So I'm Inky, and yeah, you guessed it -- I'm depressed.

Actually, I don't know if I'm depressed, or if a normal person would just feel like this in my situation.

Well, I joined the Army a while back, and came away with a lot of permanent injuries that could be considered disabling, but I still have to work, and they won't pay me disability. Some days my hips shift on their own, where you can see the deformity under the skin, and I have to bring my cane to work. The Army is also charging me almost twenty thousand dollars they never actually paid me.

I got out of a bad marriage to a sociopath who was psychologically and financially abusive.

I just had a baby, which is a good thing, of course, but stressful, and I don't get to be home with her as much as I'd like.

I am the only one of us three kids who is in a position to support my parents. I'm all they have. So I work to pay the rent and help pay the bills, and we're in a deep, deep hole that we may never get out of. We worry every day that we'll end up on the street. This makes me feel like a horrible mother, even though I'm doing everything I can to try and improve the situation.

Recently, I've been talking to some friends on a social networking site, just trying to be sociable and make friends, and they keep flirting with me and thinking I'm not serious when I say I couldn't date even if I wanted to, since I have to pay off my parent's house. Some of them go as far as to say they could help, but I just think that's stupid. One reason I don't date is because it wouldn't be fair to put this responsibility on someone else, and the other is that I can't trust anyone not to turn on me if things end badly and take away the house we're fighting so hard to keep.

At work, people make fun of my appearance and accuse me of making mistakes I didn't make. I have to defend myself daily, and I almost feel like I'm back in the Army, being mistreated because I'm trying to be a responsible, selfless person. They don't understand that I'm depressed, and someone with no self-esteem doesn't need the insults.

So yeah... I'm depressed, but I guess it's understandable?

I don't know.

All I know is I started crying tonight when someone was nice to me, because it made me think about how right he was when he said I'm just shutting myself down and trying not to think or live because I just have to get through the day.

My most frequent thought is that I just want life to be over, but I'd never commit suicide.

Too many people need me to bring them money.