Hello all,

My name is Dave and I have a subject at hand that I am both nervous and feeling strange talking about. I am hoping this more specific website, that has to do with mental issues and addictions, contains those that are more able to give constructive advice and opinions to me. I have posted(and have been kicked off other "love/self help" type forums for being assumed as a troll or whatever for the subject I presented. I was both embarrassed and shamed for the responses and being kicked off fo r real problem that I really wanted help with.

I'll start by saying that I indeed have a fetish that is commonly referred to as a DL/AB type lifestyle. DL is a Diaper Lover and AB is an adult that enjoys regression or "playing" baby dressed in diapers and wearing baby outfits "Adult Baby" I am more a DL than an AB, but I have ventured to the AB side more than one occasion. I do own several onsie type outfits and one-piece pajamas..things like that .
I am trying to be as detailed and simplistic as I can be in trying to explain to people how this is and what it's about. I hope you can bare with me and hopefully I can get a general view on what people think. I am planning to get offline help for this, but this is a good start.

I have felt the need to wear diapers since childhood(I'm 33 now) It's been with me forever and no, I have never suffered abuse or the like..I had a "normal" childhood. Also this has nothing to do with children or any of the things people associate diapers with. I am NOT one of those people so please do not bring it into this conversation.

The first memories I have are way back..I was like 6 years old and I stole diapers from my Aunts Diaper bag when she came over with my cousin on weekends. I can remember the excitement of seeing a diaper bag full of white diapers, the feel of the plastic and the smell of baby powder. I would run into bed and put them on....pretending to be a baby. This lasted for about a year and I went for over 7 years with no crave for diapers . At 14 I started to see commercials and magazine adds for Depends "adult diapers" I remember them showing the tapes and how they are pulled up between the legs ect ect and it re-sparked my curiosity. I would masturbate to it and craved to have the Depends on. At 14 I couldn't drive and had no money so I made due by making my own diapers out of towels and white Hefty bags.

At 18 I got a job and I started buying Depends...wearing them at night..ect ect... I've done this since then and at 33 years old I remain single and the fetish is getting to be a nuisance. I have displayed myself in public(Halloween) in just diapers and T-shirts. That idea started when I saw that college students at my college had wore diapers on initiation for Freshman year(New students = babies= diaper babies) is the idea. I thought wearing a diaper and shirt would not be a big deal for a Halloween thing. So for a few Halloweens now, I have been wearing them in public with good results. I have people wanting pictures with me, getting invited to parties and I even won a costume contest. My baby costume is quite nice consisting of a sleeper with prints, bottle and my diaper which is real and can be noticed underneath. Sometimes I go with just the diaper and shirt on.

So now you can see how far into my psyche this is for me. It's been part of me for my entire life, it has been the cause of my most recent break-up and it is really hurting now. Sometimes I try to forget it I box everything up and try to keep busy. I can't do it though. Anytime I see a diaper commercial, hear about Depends..ect ect.. I get the crave back.

It has become an obsession now and I really want to make an effort to at least understand why....why do I enjoy such an embarrassing, socially unacceptable, disturbing thing like this? I am totally normal when I am not regressed and wearing my outfits and that is something that most people will sit here and say.."you're a freak, weird, child molester rapist...and you are NOT normal. It really hurts to hear...you do not know.

So in conclusion..I have let you all inside something not many AB/or DL share often.... We are embarrassed about it and always scared of what other's think. We know it's strange, but we are more afraid of being labeled criminal sexual predators or something because of it. I hope to hear some very honest opinions about what I presented and I hope that you can see I am trying to honestly understand and get more control over this thing.

I plan on getting in person help with this, but for now I need a general idea what people would do when someone with a weird fetish admits it. I know in my heart I cannot totally leave my fetish... I just want to be able to shut it off when I want..to get more control over it and the sexual side of it.

I'm nervously awaiting for some mature and honest opinions about what I presented, those that want to insult or throw out assumptions about my state of mind without understanding..please do not reply.

To those that want to understand and can see I am trying to approch this in a mature manner, I really appreciate your concern and I wil be sure to give rep-points when I can.

Thank you
Dave.