Howdy all. I hope everyone is doing OK today/tonight.

God I just feel like throwing some kind of fit of frustration with myself.
I'm feeling quite low tonight. I've been out with a long-term friend of
mine this evening and I felt so distant from her. She was really upbeat
and excited about life and I was feeling pretty awful. Very anxious and low. I think the dark nights have got a lot to do with how I'm feeling.

Anyway, I didn't feel I could tell her this because everything I was saying was pretty negative already. I felt if I told her how I was feeling
this would just finish me off in my eyes and hers if you see what I mean.
I probably wouldn't feel so bad if I hadn't seen her and just had to deal with my symptoms alone.

As the time passed and I continued to be down in her presence I felt worse and worse about myself.

She's been a friend of mine for years and we've had a lot of fun together and intimate conversations but when it comes to my depression, my anxiety and my stay in hospital, perhaps it is just too much for her to understand. I really don't feel I can be down in her presence. I've tried to discuss these things and I suppose I've felt patronised by her really. God depression is a *****. When you most need people they can't bear to be near you, so it seems.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm flogging a dead horse. Maybe we just haven't got that much in common anymore. I don't get excited about going out with her and my other friends anymore. We have different tastes in music, clubs, clothes. There's a party on friday night and I'm almost dreading going. I can't bear to feel so miserable around others again.
I don't feel like this with everyone I know. It's just these guys, my oldest friends..........................

I'd love to hear something positive from someone tonight if poss. The last time I posted helped me enormously. Thanks to everyone who replied. I think that's it from goggles this evening.
.............lots of love the four-eyed one xxxx