For so many years I have isolated myself. My only companion was alcohol for many of those years. I would avoid people, didn't trust them, always seemed to attract people who would hurt me, especially women. I would have so much anxiety with women I couldn't have normal relationships. I hated people because I was so envious that they could so easily find relationships and happiness that I struggled so with.

So now I've quit drinking. Now I'm facing my anxieties head on. The jealousy, fear of rejection, of not being good enough, the hating myself for my past behavior and anxieties. I have made some progress, though at times it feels like very little. Sometimes I still feel like crawling back into my hole and just saying f it to everyone, and not caring about anyone since they seem to not care about me. I'm too damn good at numbing my feelings out and not caring about anything. I could sure use some hugs right now to help me from falling back into that.