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lynn P. · 03:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by themoreloving1

Lynn,
How exactly do you do anger constructively? That is something else I struggle with. I am in therapy and such, but I haven't heard any good answers yet. I do not want to end up hateful and bitter. It is against my religious beliefs.
TML1

Constructive anger means you allow yourself to recognize and validate you have anger. A person can acknowledge their anger and still be religious. It doesn't mean hanging on to and becoming bitter, resentful or vindictive. I think when couples split they go through many different emotions - kind of like being on a roller coaster. In my circumstance I had many hours of intense conversations with my husband but that's because we still live in the same house. I don't think this would work for you and maybe you don't even need to express your anger. It also helped me a great deal posting here - it was a great outlet for me.

If you do have anger and it's okay to feel it. You could try writing all your feelings in a journal. You could also work with your therapist and try the empty chair technique, where you say how you feel deep inside. I don't think it's right that your ex hurts you with words - that's unfair.

I think it also helps if you understand things from his point of view and he should do the same and this will foster compassion for each other. I don't believe in being enemies with exes unless there's abuse involved. Feel free to PM me if you need to talk.