i want to add something that i think will help you see this more clearly. my ex is a surgeon. i had a mastectomy was i was 31. i went to a surgeon, for a revision, that he had been in Vietnam with. i am sitting on the exam table, unclothed from the waist up. all at once, i realize that they were talking about my upcoming surgery, as if i was not there. talk about a blow. i burst into tears and insisted that the surgery was about me. not them. that happened more than once and i finally chose a surgeon, without telling my husband. he meant well, but he didn't realize how "unempowering" his actions were.

i agree with KD about the "I" statements. support her, but don't take her power. she needs it, now, more than ever.

pat