I'll make this long story short so I can get as much advise as fast as I can. If more details about my emotional past is needed by anyone to help them give better advise, just ask, and I'll answer within reason. And no, I didn't have lack of attention in my childhood. I've asked for advise somewhere else and that's the conclusion someone had come to.

I have depression and am currently only taking medication for my ADD. I'm 21 years old. A few years back I spent a summer having sex with lots of random guys I knew. I have low self esteem. I am with a man, I know for a fact that I am in love with, however, I have been having sexual relations online with two male friends of mine, one I loved very much and the other is my best friend. I find myself needing to satisfy myself and know that they are by me. It's hard for me to admit this sort of thing. I feel bad because I refuse to ever tell my boyfriend about it. I don't feel bad for doing it, just for the fact of hiding something from him. But my biggest problem is that I feel bad because I'm at this point I've been at a few times before where I've done this. I feel bad because I don't want to do this. I want to be better for my boyfriend. Is there something wrong with me? How do I fix this without telling my boyfriend?