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Elysium · Feb 05, 2010, 01:35 AM

Thanks for being here everyone!!

I am not feeling very talkative today, but I wanted to let you all know that I am okay. I'm just so emotionally exhausted and my cup o' crap keeps runnething over.

I had T today and we talked a lot about how I've been feeling. It helped some. I have to say that I have a wonderful T. She tells me that she knows that I am strong and that she believes in me, although I am not sure why. Sometimes I actually believe her...sometimes.

I'm just in a spot where I don't feel I want to keep going...but I do. I keep hanging on. Glutton for punishment? I don't feel like a productive member of society right now. I don't feel I have any real reason to be on this Earth. I am just taking up space.

So....airplane has leveled out a skosh and is not free-falling as fast. I will accept all of your parachutes and trampoleeny thingys. I am blessed to have all my PC friends and you all help me feel like keeping going. Thank you for that.

And Rohag....the 18 was a reference to the number of my alters. Maybe I will contact TLC and see if they want to do a TV show about DID? We could call it "18 Personalities and Counting!!", and my name could be Ely-Bob.

T says I need to allow myself to reach out for help and comfort when I need it. She knows this is very difficult for me, but she encourages me to be here on PC and allow my friends here to be here for me.

I'm not very good at asking for things....but maybe if you could all just keep some positive thoughts for me and maybe some hugs....? (feels strange asking...kind of selfish) And thank you to those that have posted hugs already.

Maybe a nice group hug for us all....

TY (((((Everyone)))))