Justlost, I can understand that you feel as if you were complicit in your father's criminality by the facts surrounding your conception. Our parents are an important part of our identity, and we incorporate much of them into ourselves, at least , the pictures we have of them.
Yesterday i learned that one of my best friends here "lost" her husband. She threw him out after he had committed a horrendous crime and lied about his guilt for two years. He has been sitting in prison since i had heard he had "gone home". Her kids, and his, have been my son's pals, crush objects, and at times, adversaries; I have known them from the age of three in one case to now, jr. high..
We don't live in the village. I had missed all the gossip and my job kept us from meeting much. She too talks about this sense of being polluted, dirty. And the kids, oh God, those beautiful, firecracker kids!
Justlost, you are not your father or your mother. You have a different life, different experiences, and a different reality. You cannot steer who brings you into the world or how.
Still this is an issue which is bound to hurt. If you can't find a therapist, see what you can do about finding a LMFC or maybe a member of the clergy who would be willing to listen. And feel free to keep posting. I'm sorry to hear that you have been so upset. I would be too, if I had learned the same.