Thanks to all. I especially like hearing from the womens' point of view. One that stands out:

>> she must be feeling all kinds of things that she may not even have words to express.

This is incredibly accurate. Now, what does a rationalizing guy like me who needs to hear what those words are (at times) do to feel out those issues? In fact, we have all heard the term "he would be far more effective if he could read my mind". I tend to get caught up in many situations where I am not doing what someone thinks I should do, but they don't ask. Of course, as the husband, I wish I was able to read into the hours of time she spends sitting around dwelling on things, smoking on the porch, doing mindless things that are not productive. She says she's over the anxiety of the initial days after the operation was postponned - yet tells her relatives and friends on the phone that "I don't know what's going on..."

Some guys have said to their wives "is it going to kill you? No? well don't worry about it..." However, the minute tactical details of our emotional underpinnings (ie biological experience making up our emotional health and our personality ... ie. our ability to "deal" with things) is very complex. When someone says "you're not doing what I asked you to do" and there is a lot of emotional details within those statements.

What do you ladies do to get your point across to people who really are empathetic to you but are also, what's the perfect words... ah - men. Men who may not be thinking in the same mode as you. We love you - we really do. But we are different. Is this a topic of another thread? A series of books? Of life itself?

Thanks again - any more input is welcome. Mind reading techniques highly welcome.

- John