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bonaire said:
Of course, as the husband, I wish I was able to read into the hours of time she spends sitting around dwelling on things, smoking on the porch, doing mindless things that are not productive. She says she's over the anxiety of the initial days after the operation was postponned - yet tells her relatives and friends on the phone that "I don't know what's going on..."

- John

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as i pointed out, earlier, this is a very emotional time for your wife. what does it hurt, if she sits on the porch, smoking? and as for as doing mindless and unproductive things, are you not judging her? it sounds to me, as if you want her to do what you think she should be doing.

are you jealous that she talks to relatives and friends on the phone? most people have more than one person that they seek comfort from. it sounds as if she is seeking comfort and encouragement. women talk to women. that is just the way it is.

there are no cookie cutter instructions for how one should talk to a partner and get their attention. it's different from every one. have you discussed this with your counselor and told the T exactly what you're telling us? i hope you have. i think a T could help you sort this out.

i realize that i have been forthright and may not have answered you, as you had hoped. i'm trying to help you and dancing around it is not what i do.........xoxoxo pat