Welcome bonaire!

I am the spouse of an only child man. It is amazing the stuff he hasn't learned. I could write a book on the "girl stuff" he didn't/doesn't know. But I digress.

Personally, I hate (loathe, abhor, etc) using the telephone. I am lucky enough that most of the calls that need made my husband will make. So you calling your wife's doctor doesn't really bother me. It is what I would want done. However, I would want it done at my request. While taking initiative is good, sometimes you have to wait.

I've found, a lot of men (not all, but a lot) want to "fix" the problem. My husband is like that. If I am hurt/sad/upset he wants to find out why or who made me this way and deal with them accordingly. As a woman, I don't want the problem "fixed". I want him to listen. If I ask for his advice, then I am fine with him sharing his "solutions".

While this surgery will help your wife, she is going to have a lot of emotions regarding it. The thought of that word (the h-word) scares me to my core. Even if this operation was life saving, I would have to give it some serious thought. So while she is probably mentally prepared for it...little setbacks will probably bring on all sorts of new and different emotions. After the surgery, she could become worse. It just depends if depression sets in. As far as telling family she doesn't know what going on, right now, that is probably an accurate assessment of how she feels. Plans that were set are now changed. There has to be some feelings of upheavel.

Honestly, you are going to have to just let her handle things and be there with her. Support her however you can. If she asks for help, then you should jump in feet first. Be prepared for mood swings, she has to be under a huge amount of stress. She may end up saying things she doesn't mean. I know I do when I am under a lot of stress.

You're trying...I think that's important. Let her tell you what she needs/wants from you. Let her know that you will do whatever she needs you to do. But don't push her and don't judge her. Is she willing to do things to get her mind off all the upheaval? Movies? Board games? Anything to get her mind off of what is going on around her. Productivity is probably not high on her list right now.