My problem is that this experience has made me scared of doctors in general (including my GP). There was another girl in there who had NOT said anything about hurting herself, but her psych feared that she would and that's why she sent her there. From my own experience, I kept telling them over and over that I didn't want to hurt myself and that I had been actively seeking help, but it was made clear to me that "they" (to put it in a paranoid way) had all the power, and that the only way to get out was to follow the rules "they" made for what was normal and acceptable. The night I got there, I tried being honest to the doctor on duty (that I was depressed but didn't want to hurt myself), and that only got me stuck there. In order to get released, I learned to just be bubbly and positive and hide my feelings and say Pollyanna things like, "my life was rough but now I know everything will be okay and I am so happy to work on a solution with your help!" I really do need help, and I know that, but they've made me fear being honest, because the experience just taught me that honesty will get you locked away on a whim. I also assume that now that I've already been in that situation, they'll use it against me in the future... so if my doctor doubts anything, she'll put me there because it's less risky. Of course I understand that from my doctor's perspective it's better to be safe than sorry, but I just can't go through that again.

Also, to clarify my opinions on medication, at the time I didn't want any because of the way they were asserting their control over me. I saw another patient who didn't want drugs, and they lied and told him they were vitamins so he would take them. He promptly passed out and was asleep for about 12 hours. I didn't trust at all that the pill they were telling me they were giving me was what I'd actually be getting. Now, I have no fears of that... I know that if I take the prescription to my pharmacy they will give me exactly what I'm supposed to have. However, I'm really at a loss as to how to overcome my fear and see a doctor to get a prescription so I can start to recover.