We are about to enter a period where we will have to stop paying our credit card bills and, possibly, our mortgage. The plan is to try to get deferments for 3 to 6 months to give me some time to get an income. We are going to try to negotiate with the credit card companies but I am not optimistic. The interest rates the banks charge is criminal. A couple of our rates have gotten jacked up to 32%. F--k these banks. I told one bank that doubled my rate to 28% for one missed payment that I lost my job and asked if they could work with me. They told me there was nothing they could do and to see if I could move my balance to another bank.

The questions I have are:

• Is it possible to deal with financial issues without it impacting your self-esteem?
• Is it possible to do this without worrying?

I am looking for advice on how to deal with financial issues emotionally. I am worried but believe there is a way out of this mess, so I am trying to be proactive by working with a credit counselor and trying to get a mortgage remodification. I am basically going to follow their advice. The hard part is that a lot of people are telling me that the banks are only willing to negotiate with you after you have demonstrated that you are having problems paying. This is perverse. I was advised by the credit counselor not to tell the banks that I am unemployed otherwise they will increase my rates.

I have no problem or at least very little problem with using the same business strategy that big companies use, which is namely to postpone payment until you have the cash to pay. I am willing to put up with the phone calls (I'll just take our phone off the hook) for a couple of months. My wife, however, is very worried about doing this and upset with me. We have a very loving relationship and my biggest motivation is to keep her happy and feeling secure.

I am trying to get advice on coping mechanisms for both her and me. Any advice would be appreciated.