My dear. I am so sorry for the way you feel, what you suffered and the state of mind which keeps you away from the happiness you deserve.

I know only too well how it feels. I dressed things up, I hung onto the dream. I also gave excuses while all the time knowing and saying that this behaviour is unacceptable.

I decided to leave. Break all conact. Its the only way for me.

I take one day at a time. Its hard but I reward myself for each day I spend without him.

I very much think that this kind of relationship is an addiction on many levels. The habit becomes and addiction. And like a reabilitation programme you need to build a programme to recover. Its hard to do this alone. Find a good support group. You will also learn, hopefully, to trust again. And to break the co-dependency.

You deserve so much more. You deserve happiness and love and respect. Someone who will be kind and gentle with you. And you know, sometimes walking away is first best thing you can do for yourself.

Like others said, you are not responsible for him. He is a mess and as long as he is in your life you are too. Please be safe.

You know, maybe a lot of therapists would not agree with me but, I believe that sometimes you just have to do. Not think. Not feel. Just do. Then after you have taken the step - you can handle the emotions. One step at a time.

I am thinking of you xx