I've had a totally bad day. I want to cry or scream or self-medicate. I left called and left my T a voice mail. I had to vent to him, even if by voice mail. And now I am here. A guy I used to work with called me at 2:38 this morning! I have not returned his calls, emails or text messages ever since he emailed me pics of his groin! That was well over a month ago. I let his calls always go to voice mail. He woke me up--again--as seems to be habit with him! Then later before I woke up I had a really bad dream. Not a nightmare, but it was bad. It was about my relationship with my family--mom and brother. It's not good and in the dream we weren't getting along and it was just horrible. OMG! I just checked my email and that guy emailed me pics of himself AGAIN!!!! Okay, I may cry. I can't concentrate now. I had my first day at work today. I learned that they do regularly fill morphine prescriptions, so I will have to get back on several prescriptions because I am severely allergic to that type of medication, even airborn exposure without touching. So I have that to worry about. I can't get in to for prescriptions anywhere either, so I have to figure that one out. Plus, working in pharmacy has been a trigger before because of drug manufacturer names and I associate with the name of my ex-husband, so that's another worry. I got out of work today and had a voice mail from a guy who touched me inappropriately a couple weeks ago which I reacted to. It's been a long and hard day. What am I doing working in pharmacy when after all the negative today my mind wants to get high on something or self-medicate on something?! I can't do that! I need to get rid of these feelings but I don't know how. I'm not sure what I am feeling. I don't know if I am sad, or anxious or what. I am almost like in shock. Or numb? I don't know anymore. I just wish I had my T tonight.