Quote:
Originally Posted by Rhapsody
While I am not an expert in the field of why people develop a fetish - I would have to say that your particular fetish seems to have a deep emotional base of needing to be cared for... maybe your childhood was with out bonding to the ones that meant the most to you?
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Here's where it gets hard.
I know some people think "Ok so he likes to put on baby clothes and feel Pampered(literally) and why share this with people?..just keep it in your bedroom and go crazy with it, no one needs to know these secrets"
Well I have lived with this my entire life and although there are worse things to have as a burden, it still has haunted me, even more so before the internet. I thought I was alone with this. Try thinking you're the only FREAK at school that sneaks diapers into his room and wears them at night.... Trying to undo the tapes without making that ripping noise, worrying about getting caught ect ect. I truly thought I was a FREAK in my childhood, but even so I enjoyed the diaper and everything about it.
The thing I cannot figure out is my earliest memories of having this need. I was 6 years old and used to wear my cousins diapers when they came over on weekends. I would take two at a time so it wouldn't get noticed. I would wear it then carefully take it off and save it for next time....things like that at only 6 years old. 6 year olds do not have sexual feelings or the like, but I remember having very regressive sensations while in diapers. My mom always told me that I was never a bed-wetter and was potty trained earlier than most. I would really like to know why a 6 year old would have this need at such an early age.
Nothing happened to me such as abuse or being molested...nothing at all and I always felt close to my family, my childhood was normal and I had it better than most kids. Could something of happened to me and I just don't remember?... Can it be so tragic that I just shut it out of my mind?....I just don't remember? Something has had to happen...why would a 6 year old wish to wear diapers?...... and today at 33 I have that same feeling I got when I was 6, taping on a new diaper and letting myself fall into that comfort...hugging my pillow and feeling the soft blankets and sleeping.
So I will admit it.... I do feel that I would like to be cared for, felt sorry for and that the diapers show this....I'm in diapers wanting to be hugged....tucked in..ect ect. It's not easy to say that..even on a forum, but it's what I feel and I will be honest about it with you. Eventually I will be saying this to a in-person counselor and this is like practice for me.
My main goal is to find out why.......why did I have this thing my entire life...Why did I at 18 years old go to the drug-store and buy a pack of depends? and why do I at 33 still shop online for better diapers and "adult-baby clothes?
I am sure this is on the same lines as feelings of being gay and not sure why it happened to you or feelings of being of the opposite gender. I've seen cross dresser in real life....I have much respect for them and a bit of envy. Envy as in they are a little bit more accepted in a public place cross dressed, while myself wearing diapers and a baby outfit in public would get me arrested and yes...if I could be in my "outfits" in public I would... I would give anything for that, but for now events such as Halloween and Mardi Gras allow me to be public with my baby outfits..people don't mind it then.
I'm even thinking about going to the Bay-to-breakers race in San-Diego they have every year.... People dress up or even go naked to the race..it's all allowed and some even wear diapers..... I would love to wear diapers all day in public without worrying about the negative things and this race would let me do so. I'm well built and I exercise a lot so I would be cute in my diapers at the race lol.. During Halloween I even got some cat-calls from girls that told me that I make that diaper look sexy. I'm planning on a Cupid outfit for Val-day...I have a bow and arrow and made heart tips on the arrows...I also decorated one of my Attends diapers with hearts on it....it looks so cute lol.
I'll wear this to a party I'm going too on the 13th. I've seen others dress up as Cupid before, so it's not a problem.
Another thank you to those who are working with me on this. I appreciate the positive and it makes me feel better and more confident about getting some offline help with this as I feel it's getting to be too much.
Thank you