Today I had to ask my boss if he could move me from the office to sales. It wouldn't have been so bad, but I knew what he'd say and (surprise, I'm not paranoid) he did: You're not ready. They'd eat you alive.

Nice vote of confidence there, boss man.

After that, it only got worse, because I had to tell him that if he doesn't, they're losing me anyway, since we'll lose our car and house this year if my income doesn't improve.

He said I'll think about it.

So I went back to work, feeling the same as I always do, anxious, sick, depressed, and I didn't think I'd make it through the day. I called my mother at lunch, and got the usual from her: you think too much, you worry too much, it's all in your head, you've got to learn to deal.

So no help there, as usual. And then I did start crying, because I'm near tears all day, everyday.

After I hung up, I listened to some music on my iPod, felt no better at all, but managed to stay all day, like I always do.

It's funny to me how someone who is professional, polite, hardworking, who never comes in late, never calls in sick, and doesn't sit on her cell phone all day (like, oh let's see, everyone else in the office) 'isn't ready,' but he'll hire eighteen-year-old idiots off the street who have never sold anything and don't know how the store works.

So how bad am I that I'm considered less of a candidate than they are?

Another day where I come home wanting to die, and not being able to because... that's right, too many people need me to bring home money. That's all I am to anyone.

They treat me better when I'm working, because they want me to keep on bringing home a check.

What am I still doing alive? What's the point, besides that I have to care for my baby? I mean, I love her, I really do, but I just...

I don't want to go on anymore.