I woke up at two a.m. and couldn't go back to sleep.

It's eight now, fifteen minutes until I have to leave for work, and I'm already anxious. My teeth hurt. This hasn't happened for years, not since I was working somewhere else and someone was writing down what time I left for lunches and breaks, trying to get me fired because she didn't like me (I saw what she was doing, so I wasn't imagining things).

They give me the silent treatment at work because I don't appreciate their snide comments and don't take part in their disgusting conversations.

I smoked too much this morning, and maybe drank too much coffee. Probably doesn't help the anxiety, but I know it's mostly work.

I'm tired of the way they jump down my throat when I screw up, but when the pretty girls make bigger mistakes than I do, people laugh because they're cute and they flirt.

They never let it go when I make the slightest mistake.

I wonder if I'll still have a home to go to tonight when I get off. I wonder if he's actually considering moving me to that higher-paying position now that I told him I'll probably end up homeless if he doesn't, or if he just let it go in one ear and out the other.

Last night I felt like I was going crazy. I tried to go to bed early in spite of the insomnia, and I was awake for two hours just seeing the most horrible things every time I closed my eyes. I woke up overheated and sore with a headache.

Anyone I dare to talk to about how I feel tells me to get over it, like it's that easy.

I'm also tired of telling guys that I just want to be friends, and having them come back with totally inappropriate comments and advances. What part of CHRISTIAN and MOTHER and NOT INTERESTED do they not understand, and what's the deal, anyway? I'm not attractive, so maybe they're just desperate, or they think I might be dumb enough to take advantage of.

Sorry. I'm ranting.

I hate feeling this anxious.