Trigger Warning SI mentioned
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I called my T and asked her to call me back. I feel bad about calling her and interrupting her weekend. I feel that I don't deserve her attention or caring. But I really want to hurt myself. I promised myself I wont do anything until after I talk to her (which hopefully at that point I will be calmer and so will not feel like I need to). I feel bad about getting mad at my T before our last session. I'm scared she is angry with me. That she doesn't/wont like me any more, though I feel presumptuous for assuming that she liked me in the first place. Even though I know that my last two Ts liked me. I feel like I deserve to be punished for being angry at her. But it doesn't make sense because I know that she wouldn't think that I deserve to be punished. Part of me thinks that maybe I'm just looking for a reason to do it. Looking for a reason that can justify my doing it. I don't think I've ever done that before. I think that scares me more. That I would be looking for a reason to make it okay. I hope that she calls back soon. I feel very alone right now. I might take a nap or continue working on my homework until she calls.