I posted about my "bad day" in General. Now I am posting in here tonight. I wanted to self-medicate somehow, by OTC's or anything, but I didn't know what. I came up with something else instead--I cut. The blades I have in the car were too dull, and another was sharp but way too rusty to even consider using. I had just bought a new one recently, but I couldn't find it. So, I went to the store and bought a few things, including another new blade. It's not bad. More like nasty scratches, maybe a couple of them like deeper like from really sharp cat's claws. Everything is clean-cut, and I used alcohol and then ointment after. I'd say pretty good for my first time. I probably should have called my T again, but I couldn't. I've called and left messages on his pager twice yesterday and twice today already. I don't want to bug him anymore. I'm also afraid of what he might say if I did. I am also afraid of what he might say when he does find out, assuming that might happen at my next appointment. If I can wait that long. Maybe I will call his pager and leave a message for him tomorrow on what I did tonight. I don't know. I'm afraid. I kind of enjoyed it tonight. I kind of liked the challenge of how deep can I get. I'm afraid that each time I might try it, I could try to get a little deeper. I didn't even want to stop doing it tonight. It's like its addicting. Do you know what I mean?