Welcome Bonaire,

You have been given some really good advice by those who have gone through what your wife is about to go through. One thing I might add it that you need to just & I mean just talk to her (without doing anything) until she & you fully understand how she feels about something before you step in & do anything. I have a husband (who I am now divorcing finally after 30 years) that will go in with me to a Dr appointment (because we were seeing the same pdoc) & when the pdoc would ask me a question, my husband would immediately answer the question I was asked....he also does that when I am doing my own business with someone & he is there. I know that I want to take care of my own issues & if I want help or need a question answered, I will ask.....& don't do anything unless I ask. I am 52 and an only child who was raised by older parents too. I didn't like the way their life was & definitely knew that I wanted to be completely self sufficient from the beginning......maybe you need to find out how your wife feels about some of these personal issues. I am not trying to be hard on you. You seem to be truely conserned about your wife & want to take care of her.....but sometimes we really want to take care of ourselves in our own time...in our own way.....this is now the 21 century & womens thinking is not always what it used to be. It is important to really understand what she is thinking & needs before you step in & take any action.....IMO, it is just respecting her but then my opinion has always been more radical than most other women.....so it is really important for you to thoroughly understand your own wife.

I know under it all, that my husband is really just trying hard to be nice & he thinks what he is doing is nice. He just doesn't understand how it effects me & doesn't want to know.....he continually does the same thing even after I point out what is going on so I know he doesn't want to do anything different than the way he is doing it.....thus, it seems to me that he really doesn't care how I feel about the situation.

You are working so hard at your relationship & it is wonderful that you are working so hard to make it work....but it is a continualy growing process that never ends....it seems to me that once either side stops growing, so does the marriage.

I'm sure you will be successful because it seems like you really want to be...& you have been give good advice by everyone before me. I also know that I do look at things much differently than many other women also...but it may be because I grew up with only boys in my neighborhood & worked with only men in my aerospace engineering career for 15 years.

Be sensitive to your wifes real needs & you may be able to find it all less confusing.
Debbie