((((((((((((( Typo ))))))))))))))))
Wow. I feel honored that you shared this part of you on PC and I read it and see a bit more about you. Thank you a from my heart.

My advice is to scream... to cry... to feel it. Go to a safe room alone where you can shout as loudly as you want to without being asked if you are OK.
The truth is you are not OK. And it is OK to not be OK with this pain.
There are things about my life that I just sometimes remember and when I do - I need to shout it out at the top of my lungs!!!! I need to SHOW my soul is on fire and allow the tears to pour out of me.

And hon, please let me share with you something a close friend told me when I was grieving my fiancee's death "Never wipe away honest tears. Let them fall to the ground. When we wipe away the tears, we are saying they do not belong on our face. That is shame and guilt. When we cry from our soul over these types of things, those tears are as pure as untouched snow."

Big big tender very safe arms around you.